Monthly Archives: February 2012

Things that go Bark in the Night


Bark! Bark! Grrrrr … BARK!”

Well, that sure got their attention.  Mom and dad came running downstairs.  They looked like they had been asleep and were rudely awoken.  They said something about two o’clock.  I didn’t care.  I had heard some noise outside and it didn’t sound right.  It didn’t sound like the purry-things that live under the back porch.

They looked outside.  Didn’t hear or see anything.

“It’s nothing, Bailey,” said they.  “Go back to sleep.”  And they went back upstairs.

But it didn’t go away.  It came back.  This time I saw it.  It was a frightful thing, with a stripped tail and a long, pointy nose.  It had sharp teeth and was wearing a mask over its eyes!  And it was there on the back porch!

“Bark!!!  Grrrrrr BARK, Bark!”

Mom and dad came running back down. Mom looked outside and saw it scamper away.  “It’s a gigundous coon,” she announced.  I don’t know where she comes up with these big words.  Anyway, I didn’t know what a coon was, but it was gone, and they went back upstairs.

“Grrrr, grrrr, BARK!  It’s back!  BARK!!”

They came down again. This time dad took a flashlight and headed outside.  Splash, splash!  Mr. Gigundous had been washing something off in the swimming pool, then scattered into the bushes and ran to the neighbor’s yard.

Where did it come from? What it washing? Where did it go?  These were all questions that would have to linger on my humans’ minds.  For my part, I was satisfied that I had done my job of protecting the family from this ferocious creature.  I went to sleep.

This morning, dad looks like he didn’t get a very good night’s sleep.  I wonder why?


As Cute as a Puppy?

There is, gentle humans, a double standard when it comes to behavior.

I would not have believed this, until recently.  Remember when I had a grand time playing in the pond and getting all muddy?  It was wonderfully fun … for me.  However, mom and dad were not very pleased.

It turns out that they feel quite differently when they are the ones getting muddy.  A couple of days ago they were filling the horse’s water trough, and accidentally let the water overflow.  Big time.  There was water — and mud — all over the place where the horse eats that hay-stuff (yuck).  Dad had to go out and play in the mud — I mean,  clean up the mess — and he got very muddy in the process.

And did mom get mad at him for getting so muddy?

No, she thanked him and praised him and let him back into the house without taking a bath outside first!

That, my gentle readers, is a double standard.  I don’t like it …. there should only be one standard.  I propose that we all use this criteria:

How does it measure up on the puppy-cuteness scale.

If we judge all actions and behaviors by this single, fair, and very cute standard, then we will all be happier.   So, the next time that you have to evaluate something, ask yourself, “Is this as cute as a puppy?”

Life would be much simpler.  It would be good.


Doing What Retrievers Do Best

Mom and dad have not reason to complain.  After all, they are the ones who wanted to get a Golden Retriever.  So who can blame me when I do what my breed does best:  Retrieve?!!

I retrieve everything.  Some things I pick up, like sticks and branches, are great for chewing on.  Some things I find, like old flowerpots and lawn ornaments, are usually taken away from me before I can munch on them.  And some things that I recover make great toys.

Like this old lid from a plastic bucket.

It makes a great Frisbee … dad will throw this and I will chase and retrieve it. Over and over.  It is great fun.

I’ve heard that some really clever puppies can catch Frisbees in their teeth while it is still in the air.  I haven’t gotten that clever yet.  I still need to work on my timing, my mid-air grabbing technique, and my flying skills.  I’m sure that I will need to fly in order to grab these discs from the sky.  You have seen other posts where I talk about trying to fly.  Can’t do it yet.  Hope to do it soon.  Then I can catch things Frisbees and soap bubbles.  Oh, what fun that will be.

But, in the meantime, I will keep on retrieving them when dad throws them, and bring them back for him to throw again.  And again. And again.  And again.  And again.  And again.  And … well, you get the picture.


World Peace

Hello, gentle humans.  Today I want to talk about an important subject that should concern all of us.  I want to talk about World Peace.

No, I am not talking about a basketball player.  I am not even talking about countries, or cultures, or ideologies.  I am talking about world peace among animals.

Specifically, between us clever dogs and the purry-things.

Now, I grant you that I have often said a disparaging word or two, or three, about these purry-things who seem to spend their days sleeping, or whining about wanting more food, or coughing up hairballs.  But lately I’ve gotten to know a couple of them on a nose-to-nose basis, and they’re not really all that bad.  Granted, they don’t chase balls, or fetch sticks, but they often have something interesting to tell me.  Like where to find the old soccer ball in the yard for me to play with, or how to beg for more food (although I was pretty good at that on my own).  We also like to play tag, and although I am much faster than they are — after all, I am speed — they can go side-to-side very quickly and it is hard to tag them.

The only thing I have to be careful about are those sharp pointy things that they always carry in their paws.  If they could only get rid of those, I think that the purry-things and I could really achieve World Peace.

You gentle humans should take note of this.  Get rid of your sharp pointy things, stop coughing up hairballs, and get to know each other nose-to-nose.  Life can be so much nicer if we all live together .

Good Clean Fun

I discovered a new game!  And unlike my romp in the muddy pond that I told you about yesterday, this one is good, clean, fun!  This is fast, and furious. This is exciting. This is all about chasing soap bubbles !!!

I still don’t know where these bubbles came from.  Mom and Melanie were outside with me, but I think they must have been just as confused.  Every time I would turn around, there were more bubbles.  There were so many that I didn’t know which one to chase next.  I kept running around in circles, jumping up in the air, looking for the next bubble to burst.

It was great fun.  I even tried a little flying (see me here trying to flap my ears) so I could get up as high as those bubbles, but I still don’t quite have enough lift.

Hmm, these bubbles float … they must be lighter than air.  Maybe if I ate enough of them I could fly?

I tried this theory, and here you can see me as I jumped up really high to catch another bubble.  I could tell that I was jumping up higher and higher … so this means my theory must have been working!  I guess I just didn’t eat enough of those bubbles.

In the background you can see two of mom and dad’s horses (I think they are called Arabians, but they look like big pets to me).  They don’t care about eating bubbles … they are too intent on their grass.  I bet that’s why you never see a horse fly … (pun intended).

I could have chased and caught bubbles all afternoon, but unfortunately the wind was blowing them away from me, and a lot of them floated out across the swimming pool.  I didn’t trust my flying abilities enough to follow them, so I just watched them drift away.

I’m not sure if I like this last photo.  What do you think … does that bubble make my butt look bigger?

Call Me Mudbud

I haven’t written lately … been busy.  I’ve been trying to emulate my favorite movie star.

There’s some guy named Disney who has a whole series of movies about Golden Retriever puppies.  These movies are called the Buddy movies, and there is Air Buddies, Treasure Buddies, Space Buddies (my favorite), and many more. They feature five puppies who have all sorts of adventures.

This is a picture of my favorite buddy, “Mudbud.”  As you can see, he is always getting dirty.

And this is a picture of me.  Looking just like Mudbud.

There is a pond in backyard, and some of you gentle humans on Facebook may remember that I got into this pond a few weeks ago, and got wonderfully dirty, and dad took this picture.  But afterwards, he took some wire fence stuff and closed off the pond so that I couldn’t get back in.

Arf!  The joke is on him.  This clever puppy is, well, to put it simply, this puppy is clever!  Last weekend I found a way to squeeze my way around the end of that fence and get back into the glorious ooze in the pond!

Aaah, what fun!

Then I got out and ran around the yard while dad tried to catch me.  Of course he couldn’t … remember, I am speed!  But then I stopped … turned, and jumped up on him!  Now he was all wet, and muddy, and smelly too!  But he didn’t seem to like it as much as I did.

I don’t understand humans some time.  They just can’t appreciate the better things in life.  Maybe that is why they get so stressed and frantic.  They should just romp in the mud and dirt more.  Like me and Mudbud.

If you would like to see a short video of Mudbud from one of his movies, click on this link:

The BIG Squirrel

“Com’on, dad.  You’re not walking fast enough. “

The last time dad and I went for a walk he was just taking his time, and I wanted to chase that squirrel again. But he was in no hurry, and was just strolling along talking to mom.  It was frustrating for this clever puppy.

“Let’s go faster, dad. Here, let ME take the lead!”

So I did.  I grabbed the leash in my mouth and began to pull him down the path.  I didn’t want that squirrel to get away again.

I was pretty pleased with the way that dad followed along. He didn’t pull or tug at all.  Still, he didn’t keep up with my pace.  I think I may need to send him to obedience school so that he will follow my lead better.

“Oh, there he is, dad!  There’s that squirrel.  Let’s run faster. Com ‘on!”

I saw that squirrel and took off, once again dragging dad along behind me.  I didn’t want to lose track of that little guy this time … today I felt lucky.

But … something was wrong.  Something seemed different. The squirrel didn’t run away very fast.  In fact, he didn’t run at all.  And he looked bigger.  Much, much bigger.  Eating all that grass certainly was adding to his bulk.

I think that squirrel needs to go on a diet, big-time.  There is no way that he is ever going to fit back into his hole in the ground again.

“Com ‘on, dad, let’s go chase the crows instead.”

A Summery Winter

My cousin, Lance, is a Golden Retriever like me, who lives near Seattle, Washington. I don’t know where that is, but Lance was telling me that in the Winter they get something called snow.

Here in California, we get sunshine.

Yes, I know that just a couple of days ago I was complaining about going outside in the rain. Yesterday I got to play outside in the water … in a different way!

It was warm, it was sunny, and I was wet! When the little person got home from school mom filled this pool with some water and we played like it was the middle of Summer!  We had a lot of fun, splashing and running around in circles in the pool. She is fun to play with, and we had a great time in the pool … in the very warm Winter weather.

I have been told that this can’t last.  The pretty weather lady says that more rain is coming.  I don’t believe it.  I have only seen it rain a couple of days since I came here, and I like this sunshine much better.

But the weather here seems to change quickly.  Maybe the pretty weather lady is right.  Maybe it will rain again.

Or maybe it will snow.  That might be fun, too.  Then I could write to Lance and tell him all about building snow puppies!

Let it snow !!!!

Rainy Mornings

Dear gentle humans, have you ever had one of those mornings?  You know, the kind where you just don’t want to get out of bed?  The kind where you roll over and bite the alarm clock? (Well, dad’s my alarm clock, so maybe biting isn’t such a good idea.)

Anyway, that was what my morning was like yesterday.  To make matters worse, when I finally did get up to go outside, it was cold, dark, and rainy!  Yes, I know that we need the rain, but does it really need to rain on this clever puppy?

Well, after I came back inside and was dried off, I grabbed my squeaky chicken and lay back down on my bed.  Get me up again when it’s warmer outside.  Or, when it’s time for breakfast.



It started out as a simple game of tug — with my squeaky fox.

Mom was pulling on one end, and I was pulling back on the other.  I love playing tug.  It doesn’t matter what toy is between us — it could be the fox, or the frisbee, or the stick that I found outside — it is lots of fun to play tug.

And besides, I always win.  At the end of the game, I always get the toy and run around with it.  It is inevitable.  It is ordained.  It is part of the rules of the game.

Except this time.

Something went horribly wrong at the end of the tug-a-fox with mom.  I don’t know how it happened, exactly, but as you can see, I didn’t win.  Instead, I ended up with the fox — on my head!

I still don’t know how a clever puppy can get into such a silly position, but I guess you can’t argue with the photographic evidence. Maybe mom is more clever that I realized.  I will have to be more careful in the future.

I know.  I’ll get even.

I’ll chew some more wallpaper.